The Night Before School

My heart is torn tonight as I sit here in agony. It's the night before school. Yes, that's right, school. In less than ten hours, I am going to be dropping off Andrew at his first day at school. I have been excited and anxious about him going to school ever since we learned of his acceptance into St. Luke's Day School back in March. But it really didn't phase me until we had our classroom visit last Thursday. But it really didn't hit me until last night at Parent Orientation. As I sat in his classroom with Daddy and all the other parents, I felt my heart sink a little. It hit me that he was going to school. He was going to be in this classroom for the next nine months. He wasn't going to be with me three days a week. His two teachers were going to be watching him and I wasn't going to be there. I whispered to James that I wasn't sure that I could do this anymore. I am not sure I can let my baby go. I almost teared up a little bit just at the thought.

I was talking to Uncle Anh Tuan about how much anxiety I was feeling. I told him how I used to feel the night before school when I was younger. I had my clothes picked out. my backpack ready, and I was a little anxious, but more excited nervous--not gut twisting anxiety that I am feeling now.

I keep reminding myself that he will be ok. I have been telling him how much fun he is going to have and I wasn't lying. I know that he is going to have a blast. I know that he is in good hands. I rest assured that he is a good school that will teach and nurture him.

He has been such a sport about it all. We have been telling him that he's going to school ever since March and would point it out when we drove by. At first he said he didn't want to to. But after we dropped off our first month tuition back in July, he has been totally agreeable to going. He's been saying that it was Drew's school. He said Mama as if I would be going with him. But I told him I would drop him off and pick him up and he repeated this. He seemed okay with it. And after his classroom visit, he said that he was going to school. He would say "Mama, drop off. Mama, pick up". And he would keep asking for more school and more teachers periodically.

Tonight as I put him to bed, he didn't want to go to sleep. I told him it was getting late and he needed his rest for school tomorrow. Then those fateful words came out of his mouth "no school." He whined a little bit. I just reassured him that he would have fun and that Mommy would drop him off and pick him up. I reminded him that his cousin, Brennan, just had his first day of school (kindergarten) and said it was "awesome!" I really haven't heard Andrew say anything negative about school for a couple of months. He really seemd into the idea. Later, he came out and whimpered again "no school." I said it would be okay. He would be okay. I think I was saying this as much for me as for him.

Oh, help me! I don't know how I am ever going ot make it through tomorrow morning.