Trick or Treating 2011

For Halloween, we continued our tradition of trick or treating with the Armstrongs. We went to their house and had dinner first before getting the boys dressed and ready to go.

Max and Andrew rode in the wagon as Rush didn't want much to do with it. They would all run up to door and took turns ringing doorbells. Then, they waited patiently and sometimes not so patiently for the people to answer the door. They were great about saying "Trick or Treat!" and "Thank you".

We went up and down about two full streets. After which, we went back to the house where the kids checked out their loot. We let them each have one piece and play a little bit before heading home since it was getting late.

We all had a great time and enjoyed ourselves. It's amazing how much the boys have grown since last year. Below are a few photos from the night, but more can be on shutterfly in albums 1 and 2.

SLDS Halloween Parade and Party

This morning, Andrew got to participate in the Halloween Parade at school. Last year, he and the rest of the Two's Classes were relegated to spectators, but this year, the Three's classes were able to walk in the parade. We had previously told him about the parade from last year and I don't know how much he remembered it, but it didn't make a difference. He was still so excited about parade. He kept asking when we were going to school and told us that "We got to hurry. We gonna be late!"

Nonna stayed the morning to go with us to school. Andrew wanted to be the line leader of course, but it was someone else's job that week, but he was the caboose, which is just as cool.

He did a great job walking in the parade and didn't seem shy at all. After the parade, we took pictures in the courtyard before heading back to the classroom for the party. The kids had apples, pretzels, and milk. For crafts, the kids decorated their own pumpkin with foam stickers.

After the party, we took him home early so that we could have lunch with Daddy before Nonna left back for San Antonio.

Here are a few pictures from this morning--the video is too big to post on the blog. The rest can be found on our shutterfly site here.

Matthew's Commitment Ceremony

After the game, we rushed home to get cleaned up and dressed as we were holding Matthew's commitment ceremony at 11am.

We chose to have Matthew cremated and his urn placed in a niche (a glass enclosure) inside the new Texas Liberty Mausoleum at Reflection Lakes Estates in Memorial Oaks Cemetery. It is a beautiful mausoleum next to a little lake with many flowers and plants.

Some may wonder why we chose to have Matthew cremated. James and I thought long and hard about this decision. But we both want to be cremated when we pass and didn't feel right burying our son when we ourselves didn't want to be buried. Additionally, cremation is acceptable by both the Catholic and Buddhist faiths. And now, when we die, our remains will be placed next to our son's.

We were grateful to have Father Joy presided over the ceremony. After the ceremony, we came back to the house to have lunch with our guests. We are humbled by all those who came to the ceremony including my parents, Anh Tuan, Granddad, Nonna, and many members of our family and friends. Again, we thank everyone for their love and support.

YMCA Fall Soccer 2011 Week 7: Toronto vs Salt Lake

This morning, Andrew had another soccer game. He was a little under weather yesterday, so we weren't sure if we were going to let him play. He woke up this morning saying he didn't want to play today, but wanted to play tomorrow. But when we told him there was no game tomorrow, he said he wanted to play for a little bit. We said that would be okay and he could just cheer for his team if he wasn't playing.

Dad left with Nonna so they would be on time for practice while I stayed back while Andrew slept in. After he woke up, we ate and got dressed and then headed for the Y. We arrived right at the end of the first quarter. Andrew played in the third quarter and quickly scored three goals!! But he was pretty tired so we let him sit out the rest of the game.

As for the rest of the team, they did great and things are really coming together very well. All the kids played well and we think that everyone played and touched the ball at least once.

Pumpkins

This morning when I brought Andrew to school, his teachers had put out a pumpkin so that the kids could hammer it with some golf tees. Andrew was totally into it!

Then, this evening, Andrew and I carved our jack-o-lantern since Daddy was working late this evening. Not too bad for my first time, right?!

Happy 44th Month Birthday

Happy 44th Month Birthday to Andrew!

We have been so happy with Andrew's speech and language development. He is more cognizant of his own speech and enunciating and is really improving every week with work during therapy as well as at home. His sentence structure and composition are also improving.

Some of the things that Andrew says are "No, I don't!", "Yes, I do!", "Aww, man!", and "I'm silly like that". He can be such a ham sometimes!! We also hear "o tay" for okay, "that'll be fun" quite a bit as well as "sorry, my fault" which totally comes from Mommy. We also hear a lot of "You play with me?", "maybe", "I don't know", and "I don't remember". Andrew also says "No, I don't!", "No, you don't", and "No, I not" all the time. He also is getting really good about saying "May I...?" when asking for something. And lately, he has been adding the "e" sound to words, such as "blankey" and "poopy"

One thing that I am not digging on is that he calls us "Mom" and "Dad" versus "Mommy" and "Daddy". Dad doesn't mind so much, but Mommy does. I just feel that it makes him so grown up already. But one thing I am happy about still is that Andrew loves to tell us all the time "I love you!" Makes parenthood totally worth it!

Most mornings now, Andrew asks for chocolate milk with breakfast. We try not to give it to him for lunch before nap or for dinner before bed, so that is really the only time he gets it. His choice of breakfast food to eat is currently cereal with milk. Usually, we combine whatever so not so healthy one with a healthy one like Cheerios to kind of balance it out. He is also choosing lots of Toaster Strudel and Eggo waffles as well.

Andrew recently has been eating more and more oranges and strawberries, especially for night night snack. He will also ask to have strawberries with cereal with milk at night as well.

For dinner, he is more apt to eat meat and loves to say that "meat will make me big and strong". And he is so proud of himself that he will flex his arms and say for us to look at his muscles. Our little carnivore will just eat about any meat as long as it isn't dry. And if nothing else, he can dip it in teriyaki sauce, which usually does the trick.

His favorite songs right now are Party Rock by LMFAO, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Jingle Bells, Jesus Loves Me, This is the Day, and the Fireman Sam theme song. Another favorite is He's Got the Whole World in His Hands especially the line "He's got St. Luke's Day School in His hands."

Drew is also into making up his own lyrics to his own songs especially about what he's doing. The other day, he was singing about what he was doing in the shower when he was playing with his bath toys.

Andrew has been writing his letters and numbers. He has been learning to spell "train", "fire", "ice" (from the Moron Test game), "airport", and "Andrew". As for drawing, we will give him plain white paper and he will draw buildings and will write "train", "fire", or "airport" (with help on which letters to write) on it to identify which building it is. And in the spirit of Halloween, he has been drawing pumpkin trains and houses with pumpkins.

In terms of playing, Andrew has been really into pretending. He loves pretending he is a fireman going to the emergency and then taking his stuffed animals to the hospital to be checked out. Drew will put on his fireman costume a majority of the time. He also likes pretending to be a pirate and searching for buried treasure. He will even draw a map. We will also pretend that the couch is the firetruck or the pirate ship. Andrew has also become more interested in Legos and is getting better at building vehicles and buildings.

Our little techie loves his iPad and mostly plays "Build a Train", "Train Conductor", and "Angry Birds", among other apps which help him write his letters and numbers. Of course, he watches videos whenever he can. Drew has been watching Team Umizoomi and Fireman Sam.

And our little athlete has been doing great in soccer and gymnastics. He's been learning a lot in gymnastics and we have seen much improvement already with his balance and strength. We are so happy with his progress and he seems to be enjoying it lots so we are even more happy with that.

Then, there is our little handyman. When we start to fix something around the house, Andrew grabs his toolbox and wants so much to help. It's so cute!!

Of course, there is our little student. He is totally loving school especially his new teachers. Drew will tell me about his classmates and if they played with him that day. His favorite day by far is Tuesday where the teachers put on "Super Tuesday" in which they do something special every week typically food related. Drew asks which day of the week it is and what is going on that day.

At night, Andrew is getting better and better about doing his nebulizer and then going to bed. Andrew will hold it all by himself and turn it on and off on his own. He usually watched a video on the iPad or a DVD during. He will brush his teeth and is getting much better about undressing and dressing himself. He does try to still stall some by coming out of his room and asking for hugs and kisses. He prefers to sleep with Matty Bear and his "fire dog" dalmatian. Andrew is still sleeping on the floor mostly, but every now and then, we will find him asleep in his bed. And in the morning when he wakes up, he calls for me to come lay with him in his room instead of him coming into our room.

Drew is also becoming more independent and self-sufficient. He is pretty good about cleaning up after himself and not always as a direct result of our urging. He can buckle his car seat and will open the car doors. And in regards to potty training, he still wears a pull-up, but we take him to the bathroom to go pee. He rarely has an accident, but sometimes we don't remind him to go to the bathroom.

He is starting to really develop a sense of humor. One morning when he was getting undressed, he pointed his penis at James and said "I pee on you!" Daddy gave him a dirty look and Andrew responds quickly "I just playing!" Andrew is also beginning to develop a sense of attitude as well. One afternoon when he was trying to take a nap, he heard me on the phone. He proceeded to yell from his room "Mom, stop talking!"

Andrew is also talking more and more about his upcoming birthday and his party. He will tell us about which theme he wants such as fire truck (again), airplanes, or a jungle. He even said one time that he wants a jungle fire truck party! We posed the question on him one day if he would rather have a birthday party or a trip to Disneyworld instead. He chose a party, but when we asked him again, he picked Disneyworld.

Drew is still dealing with the loss of his baby brother. He still asks when Matthew will come back, but he knows that he is with Jesus. He has started to ask if we will have another Matthew to which we tell him we will never have another Matthew, but maybe another baby. He does ask me why there is no baby in my belly. We just try to answer him the best we can and hope that he understands as best he can. Andrew is still the light of our lives and we can't believe he is another month older.

Happy 44th Month Birthday, Andrew! We love you so much!!

Danny's Wedding

Yesterday after the soccer game and Fire Fest, we drove up to Ft. Worth for Uncle Danny's wedding last night. Andrew was so excited about going saying that he especially wanted to eat cake and dance. And not just dance with just anybody, but he was most wanting to dance with Uncle Foo.

We took Andrew to the ceremony and the reception. But as it got late, James took him back to the hotel room where Albert was waiting so that Albert would watch Andrew for us. Poor kid missed the cake and dancing, but he still had fun. He loved playing games with Gage on the cell phones. And he had fun with Albert too playing LEGOs.

James came back to the reception after. It was fun being around the crew. It was a wonderful evening and incredible cause for celebration. We couldn't be happier for the newlyweds!

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Danny Le!! We wish you all the happiness. And thanks for letting us share in your big day!

Fire Fest 2011

So right after the game, we drove down south to Fire Fest. We had such a great time last year that we wanted to go back this year. Andrew was so stoked about going too! He kept asking when Fire Fest was, but finally, it was upon us!

We arrived in plenty of time and entered the grounds with no problem. We walked around letting Andrew play in the inflatable and went over to see the damaged train and bus. Next, the parade was about to start so we found a good spot to watch it. It's really cool to see all the different emergency vehicles and there were a few trucks that weren't there last year like an airport and army fire truck.

After the parade, we let Andrew do some activities, mainly playing the games they offered. Andrew did enjoy spraying the fire hose a lot more than he did last year!

We got a little hungry so went to grab a bite to eat. Andrew chose a hot dog and Daddy and I shared a turkey leg, which was so delicious!!

We had to get on the road so we left shortly thereafter. It was a great little visit. Hopefully, next year, we can make it three years in a row!

YMCA Fall 2011 Soccer Week 6: Seattle @ Philly

Yesterday morning, Team Toronto had another soccer game. He was totally in the zone and scored two goals right off the bat!! He had a few more shots on goal through the rest of the game, but not more goals. I can't get over that he's scoring goals!

Way to go, Drew!

Three Months

It's been three months since we lost our little baby boy and not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him terribly. I have to say things had starting getting a little better for a while, but with the passing of September and my scheduled due date, it's been harder for me more recently. My heart still aches. I feel like there is a hole in my heart and my arms are empty not being able to hold Matthew.

I am at a constant state knowing that Matthew is gone, but there are times when it hits me how things would be different if Matthew were here. Like what would we dress him up as for Halloween. Like when I was in Michael's the other day and would be buying a baby's first Christmas ornament. Like how I would have both him and Andrew in chapel at St. Luke's.

People have suggested my seeing a grief counselor, but I am not quite sure yet. First and foremost, I don't feel like I am ready. I think the pain is too fresh and it won't really do much good at this point. And I am not sure if I am even ready to talk to a third party about Matthew yet. I know my pain and grief is all fairly standard. I am able to get out of bed and go about my day. No one can argue that I do function as a normal person would. I am open to seeing someone when I think I am ready and that it will do me some good. I know the counselor will be able to help work though some things.

As for James, he is still my rock and greatest supporter. I am so grateful to have had him by my side through our tragedy. I will admit that we do grieve differently, but we try our best to work through it and support each other through our pain.

I am well aware that divorces unfortunately occur more with couples that suffer a loss of a child. And I can totally understand why that is. There are times when I have never felt more close to James and more in love with him, but there are times when I feel so alone. And not because he has not been there for me when I needed him. But I feel a disconnect with everyone and everything. I'd rather not admit this, but there has been more than one occasion that I have longed for death so that I can be reunited with Matthew. But I know that I have a husband and son that love me and need me so the feeling is fleeting. Don't get me wrong, I do have a will to live, but let's just say that I am not as scared of dying that I used to be. I know it's a terrible thing to think and feel and I might sound crazy and may need to seek professional help. I have read through the stages of grief and nothing I am feeling is out of the ordinary.

As for Andrew, he is coping as best that a three-year old. He still asks every now and then when Matthew is coming back even though I have told him that Matthew is not able to come back. Andrew knows Matthew's in Heaven with God and Jesus, but I still think Andrew thinks Heaven is a place you go to visit and can come back from.

But we are all doing the best we can trying to take it day by day. Some days are better than others that's for sure, but we just try to cope and put the pieces of our lives back together.

Matthew, our dear sweet boy, we hope you know how much you are loved and missed.

Below is another song that says a lot of what I am feeling. The singer and songwriter wrote this in honor of her nephew that passed away when he was twenty-one.

Karen Taylor-Good - Precious Child

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

Farewell Maks

Tonight, we had some friends over to bid farewell to the Maks before they depart for Iraq for Jerry's job with an agency that helps to promote civil rights and liberties.

It was wonderful seeing everyone. We don't get together enough, but when we do, we have a great time just talking, laughing, and catching up.

We admire Jerry and Mitzi for sacrificing so much to help others and we wish them the best of luck! We look forward to seeing you both when you come back to the States.

Once again, I was too busy socializing that I didn't take many pictures. But I did snap this picture of the Maks and Andrew with the cake.

HGA

Check out our little gymnast!! He's getting the hang of things very quickly. We are very happy with his progression. Not to mention he is having lots of fun!

Color Puzzle

Andrew was working on this color puzzle when I came to pick him up from school. I liked how the puzzle both worked on the kids' knowledge of colors and their dexterity.

Balloon Release Drawing

This morning, Andrew wanted to draw before school and this is what he ended up drawing. I didn't tell him what to draw. It started out as Andrew drawing a train, which is nothing unusual. And then, he added the zoo and next the balloons. He then asked me about drawing Matthew in Heaven with God and Jesus. I told him to draw whatever he wanted to draw.

I am so glad that he can express his feelings about Matthew and am touched how Andrew remembers his baby brother.

October 15th

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day--a special day to remember all the babies that were lost too soon. Another one of the blogs I read is written by a woman who lost her daughter shortly after birth and I remember her family releasing balloons in the daughter's honor last year. And I knew that I wanted to do that for Matthew.

But since we had soccer and Joe's wedding yesterday, we thought it best to do it this afternoon. And it worked out even better because Papa came up today and went with us to Hermann Park. I thought it was fitting because it is such a beautiful place filled with kids and joy. And I know if Matthew had lived, he would have spent lots of time here just like Andrew has.

We told Andrew that we were going to send balloons to Matthew up in Heaven to show that we were thinking of him and missing him. He seemed to understand that. He picked out green and blue balloons--he was very adamant about those two colors.

So, we drove over to the park and walked over to one of the bridges. We all released our balloons and watched them float into the sky on their way to Matthew.

Afterwards, Andrew wanted to watch and feed the ducks. So, we let him do that for a little bit before heading home for dinner.

Matthew, they aren't nearly enough, but we hope you liked your balloons. We miss you every day and love you so very much!

Joe's Wedding

This evening, we attended the wedding of a good friend of mine from law school, Joe. Andrew was very excited about the wedding and kept asking about it. We got there about ten minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start and Andrew kept wondering when the wedding was going to get underway. But when it did, he was really good and pretty quiet. He watched very intently. But of course, after a while, he wanted to draw so we let him.

After the ceremony, we greeted Leighton and his family. Andrew and little Leighton hit it off once again. They were like old friends running around the church. So, we felt it best to head to the restaurant for the reception. Andrew kept asking where their car was.

We found a table and Andrew just wanted to play with little Leighton. They drew pictures and played Angry Birds on my phone. They managed to take a break in playing to eat. It was an Italian restaurant so Andrew was all about the noodles and even had seconds on them.

For the remainder of the festivities, Andrew and Leighton played while we caught up with Leighton and Lori and of course, Joe and his bride Amy. It was a beautiful wedding and a great way to see some dear friends.