The Lenz Family: Chrise Briggs Murrell

Tonight, I am writing with a very heavy heart. Just a little while ago, I learned of the passing of Chrise Briggs Murrell after a tough and devastating battle with cancer. Chrise was the wife of Andy, who is a former co-worker of mine and with whom have been friends since 2005. Chrise was also the loving mother to Andrew (a/k/a Drew also) who just celebrated his fourth birthday in May. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 adenocarcinoma back in December of last year (she started a blog shortly after she was diagnosed where she posted about her fight against cancer). And unfortunately, her treatment regime wasn't very successful. Back in May when all of us had gotten together, Andy had told us that they were stopping treatment and it would be just a matter of time. But this was still sooner than thought. Then again, it's altogether too soon. Chrise was much too young. I have so many emotions going through me right now. I knew it was coming and I had started to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, but nothing ever really fully prepares yourself for it no matter how much you try.

First, of course, there is heartache and grief. I am saddened at the lost of a friend. I am devastated at the lost of a loved one for one of my dear friends. I ache that Andy has lost his wife and Drew his mother. I feel so helpless that I can't do more for them. I am sad that Chrise died so young and won't get to grow old and gray with Andy or get to watch her beautiful son grow up. It breaks my heart that Drew has to grow up without his mother. This is probably what gets to me the most--to lose his mom so early on in his life. I can't help but to think what if Andrew lost James or me. It's seems so unfair.

I also feel a sense of unwanted familiarity. I can't help but to once again feel the loss of my aunt who lost her battle with cancer five years ago (cancer takes way too many lives!) I think about her often especially around mother's day and my birthday. Her birthday was June 5th (the day before mine) and for many years when I was younger, we would celebrate both together. Great memories. I miss her very much. Then, of course, I also think about my godparents, the Riggs, for whom I was named after. We lost Grandma Alberta in October 2003 and Grandpa Sidney in September 2006. These two people were unbelieveably amazing and my family owes so much to them for they helped them when they came over from Vietnam. They literally changed our lives. I will have to share the story of our two families another time. But what I am getting at is that losing loved ones is so hard. To this day, I am still incredibly moved by their loss and will always feel that loss in my heart. I can't imagine going through what Andy and Drew are going through right now in losing a spouse and mother.

I feel so vulnerable right now. My own mortality is staring me in the face. I am reminded once again how fragile life is and that you never know when it may end. I am so thankful for what I have, but there are times, I know I take it for granted. And I know it can all slip away in a moment. I was just sitting here writing my earlier posts about what a great time we had this weekend. Life was great. Life seemed so simple. And then I heard about Chrise. It makes you aware that in a blink of an eye, it can all be gone. It really puts it in perspective. I love my life; I love my husband, son, family, and friends. I am fortunate to be healthy and alive. I am so very blessed. But it makes me so scared at the thought of losing them or them losing me.

One of my favorite movies is "Dead Poets Society", which promotes Transcendentalism and more specifically Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Here's my favorite passage from the book:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life..."

On days like today, I feel regret because I don't do more...I don't do enough. Do I really suck the marrow out of life each and every day. It becomes too easy to just put it all on cruise control and watch as life just passes you by. It makes me think that I need to do more. More of what?! Everything. Anything. Just more. Just better. To take what God has blessed me with and make it worthwhile.

I didn't know her long and didn't know her as well I wished I could have, but what I did know of her, Chrise was sweet, happy, and kind. On a less serious note, I always loved her fashion sense and style--Chrise was usually dressed so cute and had her hair done so stylish. But seriously, I admired the love and devotion she had for her family. She were a great wife and mom. I loved her spirit, smile, and sense of humor.

But my heart goes out to Andy, Drew, Chrise's family, and friends. I am so sorry for their loss. I am so sorry that I lost a friend and that they lost a loved one. I pray that they find some comfort and solace in this difficult time. I know she's in a better place and she isn't in pain any more. I know God has a plan for everything and everyone. And maybe His plan was for her to an angel in heaven above and she will watch over Andy and Drew. Chrise, may you rest in peace. I am glad I could call you my friend. I will think of you fondly and will miss you.

Chrise Briggs Murrell--December 7, 1978 - June 19, 2010

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